Taking a break from putting in a great Scentsy party trying to take my mind off of my dear mother who I just left in the nursing home. She was excited for the move today...getting out of the hosptial! Yay! Going to the nursing home...oops, sorry mom..care center...I'm not sure what she expected, but she got more of the same. Could she sit up? Nope..too weak...lots of therapy? Nope, not today..they'll be back on Monday...tv?...gotta go get that....and the last request...a commode.....why won't they get me up to go to the commode..they are mean to me...I guess I'm going to have to buy my own commode. So, today was all about commodes and televisions....all of this is very hard to hear as she still isn't speaking plainly and the oxygen machine is extremely loud right next to her head. Then, the final sentence before she fell off to sleep and I gratefully left for her little apartment to take refuge in the place she would give just about anything to return to
"They are taking away my freedom and my independence." Oh, that she valued....that she bragged about...that she almost worshiped...she was around so many who needed to be helped, but nobody ever needed to help her..she could drive, she could walk fast, she could hear, she could see, she could exercise, she could lead Bible study, she could travel to grandchildren's weddings..which she did this year...flew actually to one in Utah, drove with her daughter to the other 12 hrs. away.
So, if I'm trying to make "Scents" of life...what is the deal? What is the lesson here? What we worship, what we hold on to, what we "brag" about....we may lose? "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also? I'm not sure of the answer...I believe in a power greater than myself...I believe life continues on after this life...I also believe one of life's biggest lessons is to learn to let go...is that what Mother is having to learn in these last months/years of her life? Let go....I'm not sure..what do you all think? Not sure if I am onto something here or if I'm just tired....tired and sad...sad to see a woman who one month ago was walking faster than me, now confined to a bed and her only wish? To go to the commode...not the store, not church, not the movies, not to a wedding...just to the commode. Such a simple request...and she is powerless...aren't we all? How I wish I could grant her request, but I'm powerless too....all I can do is rub her brow and try to be of some comfort. "Live life to the fullest" she said to me yesterday....you did Mom, you did.
Yes Jeri, she did live life to the fullest. I remember your Mom so well. Your Dad married Bob and I all those years ago..(42 now) and your Mom was ALWAYS such a wonderful helpmate to him and his ministry. She was always the first one at Bible study and she was prepared. My own wonderful Mom loved those times they had studying. Your Mom was always the first to someone sick, the first in the kitchen for the funeral dinners and the first to bend down and hug a child or kiss a skinned knee when needed. I do believe in heaven, and I do believe that God is in control. We don't like it and it makes us very sad to see our parents aging and dying, but it is all a part of life. It is sad for those of us that remember all the wonderful times, but, we do have all those wonderful memories that make us smile. Your Mom is one of the best and I will certainly be praying that the good Lord will see fit to heal....He still is in the miracle business. He healed my Dad after a stroke several years ago and it was only God that could have done it because by all rights, my Dad should have been dead then. I will pray for your Mom to get the rest she needs and for you to get the rest you need to minister to her. We all ask "why" at times and I think sometimes we need to know that at times we are not supposed to know that answer. We are all here by the Grace of God and we all have a wonderful purpose. Your Mom has many lessons to teach us yet.....and she will. God bless you and may God bless your Mom. Hugs, Connie (Shull) Hester
ReplyDeleteVery thoughtful and profound post, Jeri. Life shapes and molds us, and as hard as this is for all of us, including our mom, it's part of God's plan to make us better. We are building little cottages out of our lives, while He is building mansions.
ReplyDelete